My Oscar Roundup: Problems, Pomp, and Proper Attire

I am an Oscar enthusiast. Perhaps because I come from the last generation to believe that the Oscars were anything special. There was a seriousness dignity to the awards- because they were hard won, but also a sense of self-mockery and fun in the show. It was, in fact, a show about the fun of movies: the illusion, the magic, the myths and the grandeur that was really all a facade. When Atlanta burns in Gone With The Wind, it's really the old King Kong set. That was the Oscars- spinning and revealing at the same time. The Oscars were there to tell the story of the movies, updating it for the year.

There was almost never a question of dullness. So how did the show get so boring? I have taken a day to gather my thoughts, and here they are, large and small.

1) Award Fatigue- There wasn't always such a thing as "awards season". There was only really the Oscars. The rest wasn't televised, and if it was, no one really paid much attention. The Golden Globes were the only other big thing, but even then- no one took them very seriously. There were far fewer tabloids, and fewer reporters covering the beat, and most of all, there was no internet. We did not spend weeks and months speculating about who was going to wear what and then seeing that person over and over and over and over again everywhere we looked, saying the same thing. By the time the Oscars air, we've already seen the winners' speeches, and heard endless speculation about who will win. There is no drama at all. And if we feel that way- imagine the poor actors who make it through the gantlet- Natalie Portman looked like all she wanted to do was go home and go to bed. 

2) Zoos vs. Wildlife Parks- These days, watching the Oscars is like going to an old fashioned zoo. All the animals, ahem, movie stars, are so tame and media trained, that almost nothing interesting ever comes out of their mouths or appears on their person. It's like they are ashamed to be ACTORS! From the over-the-top dignity of Laurence Olivier, to the over-the-top happiness of Tony Curtis, to the over-the-top charm of Paul Newman, to the over-the-top "class" of Katherine Hepburn, back in the day, they played the part! And they were far more elusive. Watching them at the Oscars was like getting to see them in their natural element, striding across the stage, maybe a little drunk. It was amazing to see Tom Cruise hanging with Jack Nicholson- imagine that! As far as we knew they always wore tux and hung out. We were catching a glimpse through the tree branches of an alternative amazing life, not watching them pad in circles in a small cell that looked kind of like the one we saw last week on E!.

3) How to Host- Much as I love both of them, hiring Anne Hathaway and James Franco turned out to be a mistake. Here's the thing- neither of them, talented as they are, is qualified to host an awards show. They are actors, not performers, and it's not always the same thing. Whoopie Goldberg talked about this on The View yesterday, and she had a really good point- comics are trained to improvise, and keep a crowd's energy up. The best ones are like great outfielders- they can catch a ball that looks uncatchable and get it to home plate, in the blink of an eye. The audience is happy and never knew what hit em. The two kids the other night, Oscar nominees themselves, may be able to convince us in a movie that they are a character, but they are too green to bear the weight of moving the show along on their slender shoulders. The producers and the academy need to worry less about the right demographic and more about putting on a grown-up show. Go ahead, annoy someone! You'll see it in the ratings next year. People are still talking about Ricky Gervais. 

4) Shhhh- We don't care what the presenters say. They spoke WAY too much the other night. Hell, I would usually listen to Tom Hanks read the phone book, but the other night even he went on way too long, and he was the first! All we want from the presenters is to see what they are wearing, and to hear who the award goes too. We don't want to see long trailers for the nominees, or packages on sound design. We want to see who WON.

5) Speak up!- Conversely, it would be nice to hear the winners' speeches without worrying about listening to them get played off. I agree with the video telling them "no lists" but let them tell their story. The movies are stories! And we love them for it! Now let us hear the stories behind the stories! We love those too! Let the ladies cry and the men tell their kids to go to sleep! THEY WON! This command includes re-introducing the Thalberg award to the ceremony. Francis Ford Coppola was robbed! What a great montage that would have been!  

6) The Clothes this Year- over all, it was a dull year for clothes. Anne Hathaway was the best dressed people there. Yes, people- she was the top seven, followed by everyone else. Between the kooky Tom Ford and the brazen Armani, she and Rachel Zoe really got the glam right.

Honorable mentions go to: Mila Kunis, because yes! If you look like that, you should wear that! I thought Justin Timberlake was going to melt from her heat; Annette Bening, who kept it real and elegant; Cate Blanchett, for looking like Athena in springtime; and Hailee Steinfeld for looking perfectly fourteen and gorgeous. When I was 14 that would have been my dream dress.

Dishonorable mentions go to: Jennifer Hudson, great color, bad cleavage; Michelle Williams and the blah of her hair and that Chanel combo; and Gwyneth Paltrow for looking so blah. Come on Gwyneth! You're insane! Just GO FOR IT!

Other looks of note: I loved Amy Adams' Cartier necklace, Scarlett's hair and makeup (but not her dress) and most of all those custom Brian Atwood shoes Anne Hathaway wore. Those were movie magic!