Choice - so easy to take for granted when you have it; but for many it’s a luxury and for some can feel like a pipe dream.
As we unveil our new Ageism Is Never In Style manifesto, the question of choice around ageing continues to be a hotly debated topic. Should we be respecting others’ choices whatever they are - even if they fuel ageist ideas – or should we be critiquing them depending on which narrative they perpetuate?
Over the past 5-10 years, we’ve seen much progress in the ‘anti-ageism’ arena but, unsurprisingly, this has been coupled with different – and even conflicting - ideas and attitudes around what ending ageism actually means and looks like.
The ‘going grey’ movement is a prime example of this.
What amazing progress we’ve seen as more and more women have felt empowered to embrace their natural grey hair. But within this powerful movement, sub-collectives have emerged that shame women for not going grey, or for going grey ‘the wrong way’.
I can’t tell you the number of conversations I’ve had with women who’ve told me they’ve been accused of denying their age simply because they still dye their hair, or how they’ve been trolled online for choosing to use enhancers or chemical based products to ease their grey hair transition. According to these sub-collectives, there is a right way to embrace ageing, and this doesn’t fit their narrative.
And then there’s the whole botox / having ‘work done ‘debate….
Jennifer Aniston’s ‘controversial’ Allure cover last December was the perfect example of this. Some were inspired by Aniston and praised Allure for featuring a 53 year old woman on their very last print cover. Whilst others criticised Aniston for her choice of having botox and fillers, and lamented that she only has “that body” because she hasn’t had children (ironically, in the article, Aniston discussed her struggles with IVF and inability to have children – i.e. something that wasn’t her choice). And some even accused Ageism Is Never In Style of hypocrisy by posting the pictures of Aniston.
But – and we wish to be VERY clear - here at Ageism Is Never In Style we believe in choice. By this we mean, having the freedom to choose how to age however we want, without pressure or judgement. So rather than focusing on – and potentially judging - what choice a woman has made, we believe we should be considering why she made it. Because maybe it was purely a personal decision, in which case that’s entirely her prerogative. Or maybe that choice wasn’t so much of a choice after all…
Designer and gentrologist Patricia Moore summed it up perfectly at an event I attended recently when she said:
“I’m sad when a friend says they are getting nipped or tweaked to look younger. I’m not sure why that should mean they will feel better.”
Here, Moore isn’t criticising the choice to get work done, rather the cause of why some people decide to do so, ie falling in line with society’s ageist narrative that the answer to feeling better about yourself is to look younger….
By digging into the ‘why’, we can properly get to the root of the issues around ageism, without judging or alienating one another based on our choices. We can be respectful, whilst simultaneously start to understand how ageism manifests – both externally and internally, and how it can influence such choices.
Only that way can we develop road maps to disrupt ageism. Only that way can we properly start to address the issues effectively. And only that way will women finally have the freedom of choice around ageing. Which is exactly what we stand for at Ageism Is Never In Style.
